


Every Lidl Helps

by harryhotspur



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Lidl - Freeform, M/M, Nile's first time in Lidl, Post Movie, Slice of Life, WITH FEELINGS., awkward car rides with your friend who betrayed you, not sponsored by Lidl, tiger bread, what country week is it going to be?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26901934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryhotspur/pseuds/harryhotspur
Summary: Three days after having the worst day of their lives - The Old Guard go to Lidl.That's it - that's the story.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 26
Kudos: 130





	Every Lidl Helps

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a conversation on discord about what European supermarkets The Old Guard would be. This turned into a conversation about them going to Lidl. The wonderful Polar [made this wonderful edit](https://alaskandawn.tumblr.com/post/631445458521391104/this-edit-was-inspired-by-one-hilarious-discussion) \- and this fic was inspired from there. 
> 
> Sometimes you have to abandon your other wips and just write about Lidl. 
> 
> Thanks to Mira for the beta <3

**Somewhere in southern England, 2020**

Sometimes, it just helps to be able to buy everything in one place. Especially when you are half on the run; driving what feels like aimlessly around the south of England in a _very nice_ Audi loaned by a sheepish ex-CIA agent; keeping moving when multiple murders are being _sorted_ \- (Nicky heard that in Copley’s voice); and the man who betrayed you less than three days before is still in the passenger seat.

“I can’t believe you have never been to Lidl before, Nile,” Nicky said, in an attempt to break the unbearable tension which had filled the car since they had left Sittingbourne a few hours earlier. Nothing had been discussed regarding the situation they were in, they just had to keep moving until the situation was less tense.

Nile sat next to him in the back of the car. Joe was driving; Booker was in the passenger seat next to him with his body turned to face out of the window in an attempt to not make eye contact with anybody. Andy dozed next to him on the other side, her hand resting on her abdomen.

“Dizzy used to rave about Lidl,” Nile said. “When she was posted in Germany, she said she used to go all the time as there was one near the base. During my service...” Nicky saw Nile swallow at the mention of this. “...I didn’t spend much time in Europe. So no Lidl, unfortunately.”

“Well, Lidl is great,” Nicky added. “I am excited to take you.”

Over the past few days, they had all been oscillating between who was playing the role of ‘the upbeat one’, in an increasingly futile attempt to stop them all descending into melancholy. Somehow, it was now Nicky’s turn to hold that baton.

“Nicky loves Lidl,” Joe chipped in.

“Is Lidl like Dollar Tree?” Nile asked.

Nicky thought back to the time he had been in the United States. It had been a while, and he couldn’t actually remember whether he had been in a Dollar Tree before.

“Umm,” he started. “It’s better than Dollar Tree...”

“Lidl to Dollar Tree is like that cousin your parents always mention as an example of who you should be”, Andy interjected, revealing she had only been pretending to be asleep and had been listening to every word.

Somehow, Nile understood that.

‘That is somehow an excellent analogy, Andy," she said.

Andy huffed slightly and closed her eyes again.

“I just want some food, some ibuprofen, and some clean socks.” She shifted in her seat and flexed her toes in her boots. “We can’t be far now, Joe.”

‘It’s for that reason, Andy, why we are going to Lidl,” Nicky replied.

“Nicky _really_ loves Lidl,” Joe added again, more for Nile’s benefit.

The robotic voice of the car’s built-in SAT-NAV piped up: “Round the roundabout - second exit.” Booker uncrossed his legs and crossed them again, stretching out slightly. The heavy feeling descended back on the car again. After the exit, Nicky saw the illuminated blue, yellow, and red sign signaling the entrance to the car park. Joe turned the indicator on and turned into the car park. ‘You have arrived at your destination,’ the SAT-NAV said. ‘You have arrived at your des-.’ It cut off as Joe turned the engine off.

They all sat in the car, a bit unsure of how to proceed.

“Okay what country week do you think it will be? Shall we have a bet?”. Nicky brought up one of their old traditions in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I say a hundred pounds it is Italian week.”

“Nicky, I don’t feel like making a bet...” Andy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I just want to go inside, get what we need, and get out again.”

“I think it will be Greek week,” suggested Joe, always keen to support Nicky. “I hope it is because I want some of those tinned dolmades they do. It’s been ages since I had some of them.”

“American,” Nile added, not really knowing what countries partook in a ‘Country Week’, but wanting to make an effort to fit in with her new friends. It felt weird calling them friends. Their relationship felt more akin to the people she had done basic training with. A family, forged by blood and pain in the space of a few days. Now, she was in a car, sitting in a car park, waiting to go inside a supermarket which had been raved about more than was strictly necessary for somewhere to buy groceries.

“Spanish,” Andy added. ‘But only because I want those frozen churros.”

There was a pause. Then, Booker added:

“French.” From his tone, Nicky could tell he was weighing up whether he was allowed to participate anymore. “I want some brioche.”

“Okay, so the bets are sorted,” Nicky said. “I really hope I don’t lose any more money - I lost too much in Morocco."

They all exited the car, wordlessly deciding that all of them were going to go inside. Joe rooted around in his pocket and brought out a pound coin for the trolley. Booker walked slightly ahead, with Joe behind him. Joe reached out and plucked Booker’s wallet out of his back pocket. Booker continued walking - not noticing he had been pickpocketed. Nicky came up beside Joe and took his hand.

“I don’t want him buying a 2 litre bottle of Woodgate,” Joe said, there was a twinge of sadness in his voice. “Or anything stronger to be honest.”

“Okay, I get that,” Nicky replied, watching Booker's back as he entered the shop.

They reached the doors of the shop. In the window, there was a sign showing a picture of a pizza with a large £2.50 in a red bubble next to it. Above white writing stated: “Lidl: Italian Week’.

“It’s Italian Week!” Nicky exclaimed, with more excitement than was probably necessary. “You all need to pay up!”

Joe laughed and squeezed Nicky’s hand tighter, buoyed by his love showing genuine excitement for the first time in days.

Joe got a trolley and pushed it inside the shop. It was an older branch of Lidl, with cream tiles on the floor, a low ceiling, and dim lighting. On the shelves, products sat in boxes with their prices advertised on neon orange signs. The smell of baked goods filled the air and there was an incessant beep indicating one of the ovens had finished.

Nile was looking at a display full of fruits and vegetables in cardboard boxes. Above it, a sign exclaimed: "Picks of the Week”. She held up a red net filled with tangerines and a bag of rocket and spinach, with a wide-eyed look on her face.

“69p.” She shook the tangerines. “55p,” she said, indicating at the salad. “I get the hype now, Nicky.” She hovered the bags above the trolley. “Can we get these?"

“Sure,” Joe replied. “Get anything you want, Nile.”

She placed them in the trolley.

“You haven’t even seen the best bit yet, Nile,” Nicky said, looking wistfully across the aisles to the middle aisle of the shop.

Joe patted Nicky’s arm.

“Take Nile and look at the middle aisles, I know they are your favourites. I’ll get what we need with Andy.”

“Okay, Joe.” Nicky replied. “Come on Nile - I am going to show you the wonders of Lidl.”

Nile laughed and followed him. His enthusiasm was infectious, especially after the few days they had had. Nicky walked with a spring in his step, his hands moved excitedly at his sides. She hadn’t seen this happiness from Nicky since Goussainville when he had chopped vegetables for a stew and sang softly under his breath in Italian as he did so.

They walked up the aisle; a mismatched array of products were on either side of them. Nile looked at the products: toasters, microwaves, work trousers, a novelty utensil pot shaped like a happy chef, a sewing kit; a baby bottle warmer, and an entire leg of serrano ham in a cardboard box for some reason.

Nicky rummaged around on the shelves and picked up a box.

“ _Trapano elettrico_ ,” he said, pointing to the picture on the front. “What is it in English again?”

“A power drill,” Nile replied.

“Do we need one?” Nicky asked, with a wholesome honesty in his voice.

“I don’t think so,” Nile replied, a bit taken aback. “Unless you are planning on doing some DIY.”

Nicky put it back on the shelf. He walked up a bit further and looked at something which looked like shoes in a black plastic tub. Nile came up beside him after looking through a box filled with spatulas and slotted spoons decorated with cartoon frogs. She thought about getting one, but wasn’t sure where in her future life she would need a novelty frog spatula. _Do immortals have novelty frog spatulas?_ She couldn’t imagine Andy with one. Nicky and Joe on the other hand - _maybe_? She wasn’t sure about Booker. Betrayal tends to reduce a person’s fit for a cute frog spatula.

Nicky picked up a pair of shoes and turned them over in his hands.

“I like these,” he held a pair of crocs in his hand. They were grey, with a camouflage pattern across the tops and lined with a beige fleece.

Nile knew instantly they were the ugliest shoes she had ever seen in her life.

“They are.... Something.”

“Do you not like them?” Nicky asked, sounding a little offended.

“They look... practical,” Nile replied, trying to find something good to say about them. ‘Very cosy.”

Nicky smiled and looked at the shoes lovingly.

‘What do you think of these, Joe?’ Nicky asked as Joe pushed the trolley through the aisle.

“I would still kiss you if you wore them, babe.”

Nicky added the crocs to the trolley with a smile. It was now filled with various food products, toiletries, and other items. Andy added multiple packets of socks to the trolley. Booker trailed along behind them, holding a loaf of what looked like tiger bread in a brown paper bag.

“Do you want a pair?”

“I think I’m alright, Nicky,” Yusuf said, continuing up the aisle. “Get us some fresh clothes - and get some for Booker as well.”

Yusuf stopped halfway up the aisle and looked through another bin. Nile heard him talking to Andy.

“A frog spatula,” he said. He held it in his hand and waved it in Andy’s face.

“Yusuf, we don’t need it,” Andy sighed.

Nile spun around and shouted up the aisle.

“I like them!”

Yusuf added it to the trolley to groans of protest from Andy.

Nile and Nicky continued up the aisle. Nicky stopped at the next container filled with fleeces in primary colours; next to it was a crate filled with black and green cargo trousers. He picked up three in each colour, a mixture of small, medium, and large. He also grabbed a selection of t-shirts.

“You’ll fit in a small, right Nile?”

She nodded, not wanting to say to Nicky she was not really a fleece and cargo trouser kind of girl.

They were on the run after all, it wasn’t really a time to be fashion conscious.

She helped Nicky carry the clothes and they walked up out of the middle aisle to stop in front of a fridge filled with food in blue packets with _Italiamo_ written on them.

“Italian week,” Nicky said, gesturing to the food in the fridge. “This is just the chilled stuff. Some of it is not good, but most of it is nice.” He picked up a packet of mussels with _sugo pronto alle cozze_ printed on the cardboard label. “I haven’t tried these, they’ll be nice with spaghetti.”

Nile nodded.

She liked mussels; from the small amount of Nicky’s cooking she had sampled at Goussainville - she was sure he could do a good job of making them taste nice.

Nicky picked up two packets and some mozzarella. They walked to another part of the shop and Nicky looked at a selection of sauces and antipasti also all with navy labels printed with _Italiamo._ He chose a couple of jars and they went back to Joe, Andy, and Booker who were near the checkouts.

“Got everything we need?” Joe asked.

“I think we have bought half the shop,” Andy said as she made eye contact with the frog spatula. “And that for some reason.”

“I like it,” Nile said again.

The checkout operator passed their items through with a “Hello”. Nile was surprised by the speed at which they scanned the items; Joe shoveled them back into the trolley with a similar speed.

“I’m going to have a smoke,” Booker said as the trolley rapidly filled up. “You okay with the packing?”

Joe nodded. Booker picked up the loaf of tiger bread and left the store, his shoulders slumped.

They packed the shopping up into reusable bags at the packing shelf. Nile was surprised by the amount they had bought. It seemed like enough to feed and clothe a small army - and they had managed to get it all at one shop.

Booker was standing by the car as they all headed across the car park. He was taking huge bites out of the loaf of tiger bread and washing it down with a chug from his hip flask. He alternated between bites of bread; a drag of the cigarette and a wash of whiskey. He wiped his mouth as they approached, took a final long drag, and crushed the cigarette end under his boot.

Booker got back into the passenger seat. Joe and Nicky packed the boot of the car. Nile could hear them arguing about something:

“Nicky, put that bag on the top - you are going to _crush the eggs_.”

“But this one has the apples in. I don’t want them to bruise.”

“I’d rather have bruised apples than cracked eggs, Nicolo.”

“Fine, fine, Yusuf, but if the apples are bruised...”

It wasn’t negative, just one of those day to day disagreements that come about when a couple has been together for a long time. Nile sat in the back of the car, she smiled that they were making an effort to talk in English around her - even down to their shopping disagreements.

They all got back into the car and Joe turned the engine on.

It was nice to do something normal after the hecticness of the past three days. Even if it was going to a supermarket she had never been to before in a country she wasn’t familiar with. She looked around the car at the people who were going to be her new family. Joe was fiddling with the radio; Booker was still chewing on the tiger bread; Andy wiggled her feet in her new socks; Nicky was eating an apple and counting a small stack of twenty-pound notes. The bet was evidently a hundred pounds _each_.

She didn’t know what the future held, but if it had these people in it, maybe she was going to be alright.

And at the end of the day, Nicky was right - Lidl was pretty great.

**Author's Note:**

> The conversation about the Dollar Tree and Lidl is directly from a conversation on the discord. I love you all and thank you to Alicia and Polar for generously allowing me to use your words. 
> 
> [These](https://www.lidl.co.uk/en/p/household-laundry/livergy-men-s-clogs/p35790) are the shoes Nicky wants to buy. Please Joe, stage an intervention! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading this as always I welcome all comments and critiques on this work. Tell me what you love about Lidl!


End file.
